just what i'm feeling.

Emma is tired.

Emma needs sleep.

Emma is so darn happy that Friday is just ard the corner.

Emma can't wait to be home with her family.

Emma is loving & missing her family.

Emma is saying "goodnight peeps!"

=)

Yesterday marked the 30th day of my dad's passing. How time flew by so quickly, it will continue to fly by again. Oh, how i miss him so much! :(

I will be going back to jb this weekend for his 40th day prayer & it will be really painful as i'll be walking into the house for the 1st time with him totally not being there. It's scary as i don't want to imagine how i will feel as that time. he will not be there to welcome me with his super happy face. sigh. LIFE.

Gotta run. feel like i need to be out of the house now.

xoxo.

Emma

The lost of the bestest man in my life.

This Friday, 23rd October 2008 will mark the 4th week that my dad has left us to be with the Lord. As most of you would know, i lost my dad to a massive heart attack on the 26th September 2008. I finally managed to gather & pick myself up to post up this entry. Still keeping my fingers crossed that i would not break down into tears while i type this.

Losing my dad was the most difficult thing i had ever gone through in my life. It was my biggest fear; losing someone i love to death. I tell people, it's for the better as i didn't want him to suffer but on the other hand i wish he didn't have to leave us, leave me. 

His death was a shocking incident in my whole entire life. I used to think to myself at times, how would i react if i were to lose my father or my mother or my sister or my nan. and honestly, i couldn't find no answers in me. I used to shrug it away with the thought "no way man. not now, not so soon". only to realize that everything is possible. Time does not matter. It was a disaster as when i found out that my dad had passed on, it was just a flash back from all the previous thoughts i used to have, i couldn't believe he was gone just like that, i couldn't believe he just left without saying goodbye, i couldn't believe that i lost my dad. I couldn't believe i lost the bestest man in my life, my pillar of strength. 

My dad was my inspiration to have a simple life as he was the simplest person i ever knew. His demands for the best were minimal, his request for the things he loved doing were almost non-existent. 

He was such a great person, so great that words are not powerful enough to describe. Those that knew him will know exactly the kind of person he was. Joyful, cheeky, loving & caring. He was a man of few words but when he spoke, he only spoke about reality & things he really meant.  

If there was a person to be awarded with 'A Good Samaritan" award, without any further thoughts, i'll award it to my father. He was a good samaritan of our kampung & of cos among his friends. If anyone needed a helping hand be it fixing their roof, or watching over their house when no one's in, building up a barricade for their balcony, right up to lending a listening ear, he definitely will be there without any hesitations. He wasn't only gifted with his hands, he was also blessed with a kind heart. He used to believe in 3 principals in life;

1. never cheat

2. never steal

3. never lie

These principals were not only well known with me, but also with his mum, my grandmother. Upon seeing his face while he laid in the coffin with a peaceful face, i was comforting my nan by saying that at least he looked at peace when he died. and she told me, "well girl, that is what you get from being a good person. your dad was a good person. he always believed in 3 things, never cheat, never steal & never lie". At that moment, i knew that whenever a person does good in life, it does comes around. Especially when it comes from a person who is 85 years old whom believed in what her 58 year old son believed.

There's a lot more that i can say about my dad, but how i truly feels only lies within me. No words can. describe it. but certainly, you will hear more about how i feel about him rather than all the stories in my boring life.

xoxo

emma